As much as I'd like to blame the polar vortex and poor lighting for my recent and quite epic outbreak of cellulite...I really think the daily Big Mac's and Heath Bar's are gonna have to take some blame here.
I haven't strolled naked past the full length mirror in months. I ain't stupid, I know what kinda pale, floppy mess has been brewin' under these Old Navy sweatpants.
But I sure made that mistake today.
Once I got past the 4 stages of grief; outrage, self-loathing, laughter, an urgent need to pee - I took my dimpled ass to the gym. Which leads me to following questions:
Where was everyone? Isn't this the time of year that everybody's making life changes with their resolutions?
Where did all that back fat come from? I could feel it bounce during my one-minute sprint bursts on the treadmill.
And thirdly - Why the fuck am I talking about this?
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